The Lower Decks
by Ellabee15
Summary: Lower level officers on the Enterprise-D gather in ten forward to grumble about their bosses and their shenanigans. Basically a one shot making fun of TNG's favorite plot tropes


The Tharian ambassador smiled at Commander Riker. Across Ten Forward Lieutenant Fiza Khan groaned into her synthale.

"Aaand so it begins." She muttered,rubbing her temple.

"What?" Ensign Callum looked over his shoulder at the bar. "Oh." He grimaced and looked back at the three others at his table. Putting his PADD in the center of the table, he clapped his hands. "Well, place your bets people. What's it going to be this time?"

"I'm placing 2 days on RD" Fiza said. Callum noted the entry.

"It is the most logical conclusion." Lieutenant Torak said. "However I was in engineering today and overheard Lieutenant Commander Data talking about a new program he'd written in honor of his cat." The Vulcan raised her glass and took a sip. "So I will place my bet on DH."

"Well I'm going a bit more adventurous." Callum leaned back in his chair. "We haven't heard from Q for a while. I say he shows up to mess with the fabric of reality as part of his weird foreplay with Captain Picard."

There were murmurs of agreement from two of the others. The fourth member of the table, Ensign Rhea, an unjoined Trill looked at them with confusion. "What are you betting on and what's...DR and HD?"

"RD and DH." Fiza explained. "It's a code we use for our betting system. We barter holodeck time."

"On what?"

"What's going to try and destroy the ship this week." Callum replied. "We've got tons of acronyms. DH is Data's humanity and RD is Riker's dick."

Rhea looked horrified. "Commander Riker you mean?"

Faza laughed. "You're not in the academy any more. Out here, things get a little weird."

"And about 32% of the weird comes from Riker's sexcapades." Callum agreed.

"Actually it is 29.78%" Torak said. Callum shot her a look. "Ah, you were utilizing hyperbole."

Callum nodded. "Exactly Hyper bolley."

Fiza snorted before turning her attention back to Rhea. "Some of us have clearly been out of the academy longer than others."

"But isn't it bad to talk about the senior staff that way?" Rhea asked.

"Who's going to tell?" Callum countered.

Torak nodded. "The high ranking officers of this ship do tend to put us into needlessly irritating situations."

"But isn't that what you signed up for when you enlisted?" Rhea asked.

"Totally." Callum said as Torak and Fiza shook their heads.

"There's a difference between staring down a Romulan warbird or Borg cube and having your replicator make only catfood because Lieutenant Commander LaForge decided to hook Lieutenant Commander Data up to the ship's computer." Fiza explained.

"Remember that time Riker brought back a mind control game given to him by someone he'd met on Risa and she tried to take over the ship?" Callum said, poking Torak in the side. The Vulcan raised an eyebrow at her crewmate,

"I do remember when LaForge created a holodeck program that attempted to destroy the entire ship." She offered.

"And that was during recreation time." Fiza said. "It's nothing compared to what happens when he and Data are on duty."

"You can't be serious." Rhea said, looking aghast.

"It was worse when Ensign Crusher was still here." Torak said.

"Then there's those knowing looks Counselor Troi gives me ever since she 'sensed' me having less than appropriate thoughts about Lieutenant Commander Worf." Callum grumbled, making air quotes. "The man had just saved me from being zapped by a Ferengi. Excuse me if I was feeling a bit thankful."

"There's thankful and then there's 'thankful'." Fiza mimicked Callum's air quotes. Rhea looked over at Torak in confusion.

"An earth custom meant to indicate sarcasm." Torak explained.

"And count yourself lucky that Worf wasn't working through one of his Klingon identity crises." Fiza said.

"I'd like to help him out with his Klingon urges." Callum said dreamily, then glanced around nervously. "Troi isn't here, right?"

"No, your vile thoughts about a senior officer are safe." Torak said, sipping her synthale. "Though Guinan might have heard."

"Guinan always hears." Fiza says. "But she wouldn't judge him for it." She tapped the PADD. "Put me down for Guinan saves us all with wise, yet very obvious advice." She smiled at Rhea. "So you want in on this action? We can give you some suggestions since you're new to the Enterprise."

"Might I suggest the computer gaining sentience and attempting to kill us all." Torak said, helpfully.

"Picard had a great speech for that one." Callum agreed.

Rhea shook her head. "I don't think this is for me." she said.

* * *

2 days later she walked into Ten Forward and sat down at Fiza, Callum, and Torak's table, her uniform smoking slightly. Guinan saw her and silently handed her a glass of the real stuff she kept behind the bar.

"What happened to you?" Callum asked.

"It turns out Tharians can breathe fire." Rhea said. "And I found this out running diagnostics in the shuttle bay after she decided to demonstrate this skill to impress Riker.

"And Riker's Dick wins the day." Fiza said, raising her glass.


End file.
